A lump of significance or not

There was this earache, and then this lump at the back of my throat, and well off to the doc right? Abscess, she says, have a course of antibiotics, and then when it didn’t go, try that again. Then, Ok now ENT, who stuck her fingers in there and felt it and says hmmm maybe not, go for an MRI it seems like a tumor. So 1 MRI later, she says, hmm go see the cancer docs, although I don’t think it is cancer. SO we took a bit to think and talk and make decisions, before emotions are raging. SO off to see doc Zafereo and his group. His young lady comes in and says, with this cancer they usually do radiation instead of surgery. (I had decided I am not that brave to have radiation in my head thanks) so said, Hmm I don’t think so, I really don’t want to do radiation in my head. Poor lady was somewhat astounded. She says ‘but that is better than surgery,’ “nope says I, I don’t think so.’  Next she says, he will probably put a camera up your nose and take a biopsy. Shame she really was miss cheerful wasn’t she. Anyway, He then arrives and says, hmm doesn’t look like cancer. So we usually go in and take it out.  I said good, I was spanked as a kid and prefer the  bad stuff to be gotten over and done with, none of this time out for weeks and weeks thanks. They were all too young and just stared at me. Somehow I liked that better. Then he wants a CT scan and some other tests and yes still wants the blood doctors tests done.  He also checked the lump on the back of my neck and says he will check the MRI as well but thinks it is nothing.
So Wed afternoon I am off to the blood doc. He is super nice and his lady gets all the 7 or so bottles of blood not too badly with only one stick whoo hoo and a butterfly at that. The Blood doc is very thorough and does a serious overall exam as well as the chat and says see you next week for more blood and where was that MRI done. Here says I, good says he I think I will check it out. Cool another pair of eyes never hurt.
The weirdest part is miss worry wart is calm the whole way through this. I have been pretty calm and sassy. But the amazing part is God. A few years ago He started teaching me that there is a greater picture and that I only see as if through a doors peep hole and so I think what I see is all there is, but there is still a whole universe to be had past my view. He also taught me, He can use anything even yuck stuff for His glory. The book : It’s not about me. By Max Lucado showed me a whole new idea and world of thought. Then there is the music. Scott Kripayne’s Sometimes He calms the storm. It says sometimes He calms the storm and other times He hold us close and lets the winds and waves go wild and calms His child. SO I learned to pray Lord please calm the storm or calm your child Knowing He will hold me tight through it. Then Toby Mac’s I was made to love you. Wow that too ministered big time and still does.
Then the bible studies Breaking free learning that God can take it away or take you through it. And Psalms both by Beth Moore. About God holding you inside His hand, Like a precious jewel He might hold tightly to. Then back to the music Kerrie Roberts song No matter what. And  Mercy me’s album coming up to breathe with songs like Praise you in this storm and coming up to breathe itself. When I look back back there, I asked God to show me how to get closer to Him and what I could do for Him, rather than the usual what will God do for me. This has been a way longer journey than I ever imagined, when I think about it. They say this is a slow growing tumor so I wonder? And No not for a minute do I think God gave it to me but He may have allowed it, knowing the course I was taking and what I would learn in the meantime. Then more of Beth Moore’s studies Ester, James and a whole lot more. Then the book Captivating by John and Staci Eldrige, then the song Tell me once again who I am to you. By Jason Gray.
Way back in the day and I mean way back, I had a few dreams that came true and then there was one that kind of scared me and didn’t come true and quite frankly I was grateful. I dreamed I was on a bus with a lot of other folks who were in as much trouble as I was. It was not clear exactly why we were there but our faith in God was about to be challenged in fact to the point of death in some cases. We were taken from the bus and put into rooms and almost everything was taken from us but I somehow managed to keep a bible. (Made me think all I get to take into surgery is my faith) Anyway the testing began and was no fun, some was painful and at times very painful, yet was never really clear and concise what the pain was about, just the impression of dealing with pain and being asked do you still believe in Your God. I awoke never finding out how far it eventually went, but having a clear word from God that I was faithful through it. I am wondering has this portion of my life been like a semester and this is the test. Will I put into practice all I have learned. I hope so. Another thing I have been impressed with was that God may allow us to go through these things as a way to get His word and love to the folks in these hospitals. In other words they might never go to church so God brings them His love and worship (through our worship music and attitude and maybe words written from His bible surrounding us to comfort us and thus showing others His love).
 SO I am asking God to use this anyway He can, anytime He wants, now or later. I am also asking Him to hold me close and help me through it as best I can. Maybe that is why so far when I get anxious and sad or worry I go to His word and His songs and fill my tank with His love and knowledge of His caring. Please pray with me that He will keep me strong in faith and do whatever will give Him the most glory through this mess I find myself in. I might die somewhere in this and I know that. In fact there are many places along the journey I could die, and yet I do not have any fear of dying itself. I am afraid of the getting dead through pain part, yet even that is not terrifying anymore. I know there will be pain and lots of it, yet I am calm about that too. ( I can only take Tylenol for pain, no heavy hitters). I can’t explain it. I know it has to be God. I am OK with them using me as a donor in fact I would love that if they can and I believe it is on my driver license but Mark and the kids know. In fact I wondered if I should ask if I can nominate who gets what or at least credit for some organs so they can get bumped up the list. I mean I have 2 friends waiting for kidneys and one for a heart. So I guess all this to say Please pray for me on this journey and pray I am aware of things I could do to reflect God and His love at every turn. If I die I will see you in heaven and if you aren’t sure you are going you had better ask someone or me cos I sure don’t want to miss you when I am there. Someone said Hell is locked from the inside as those inside choose to stay there. Please don’t make that choice.

elephant tree

to go along with my weird post on mushroom circles
I was driving along and stooped at a light. I looked at the tree next to me and went oh my stars, that looks like an eye. So I whipped out my trusty camera and took this quick shot.
 As I framed it it seemed the branch on the left hand side sort of looks like an elephant trunk
so here is my seeing tree

Then we were at church and a Turkey vulture came to visit so here he is too

This has been an odd week for natural occurrences it seems as a hawk had lunch on my roof this weekend as well and left his mess for me to clean up. He surely needs better manners

Well that's all the weird news for this week